Funeral Etiquette and Obituary Writing: A Practical Guide for Guests and Families

Two questions arrive together in the week of a funeral: guests ask how to behave, and the family asks how to write the obituary. Neither has trick rules. Here is the practical version of both.

What should you wear to a funeral or memorial?

Dark or neutral colors — black, navy, charcoal, grey, deep brown — remain the standard, though most DFW services are less formal than a generation ago. A button-down with dress slacks, a simple dress, or slacks and a blouse are all appropriate. Avoid anything bright, revealing, or overtly casual (shorts, flip-flops). When the service is a celebration of life and the family asks for color, the obituary or invitation will say so — follow their lead over any rule.

What should you say to the family?

Less is more. “I’m so sorry for your loss — I’ll miss him too” is enough. A brief, specific memory lands even better: “I’ll always remember how much she loved her Sunday morning walks.” What to avoid, even though it is kindly meant: “They’re in a better place,” “Everything happens for a reason,” “At least they lived a full life.” These minimize a grief the family is still inside of. If words fail you entirely, your presence already said it.

What should you bring, send, or give?

Read the obituary or service notice carefully. If it says “in lieu of flowers, donations to X,” honor that. If flowers are welcome, send them to the funeral home before the service or to the family’s home after. A handwritten sympathy card — mailed, not texted — is one of the most appreciated gestures, because it survives the blur of the first week and gets read again later. Sign the guestbook at the service; families read it, often more than once.

What else do guests commonly ask?

• Children: generally welcome, depending on age and temperament — talk with them beforehand about what to expect.
• If you barely knew the deceased: attend anyway if you are there to support someone grieving. Showing up is the point.
• The reception or repast: polite but not required. If you can stay 20–30 minutes, it means a great deal to the family.
• Length: most services run 30–60 minutes; arrive 10–15 minutes early and silence your phone.

What should an obituary include?

An obituary is a miniature biography — the last public acknowledgment of a life. The essentials: full name and any nicknames, age, dates of birth and death, city of residence, a brief life summary (career, education, defining interests), surviving immediate family, family who preceded them in death, service details (date, time, location), and where memorial donations may be directed. Optional but often the best part: a defining story, a favorite saying, the dog. The best obituaries sound like the person, not like a form. Typical length is 150–300 words; a photo humanizes it significantly.

Is there a simple obituary template?

[Full Name], [age], of [city], Texas, passed away on [date]. [He/She] was born on [date] in [city] to [parents]. [One or two sentences on career or defining contributions.] [One or two sentences on family, faith, or interests.] [He/She] is survived by [list]; preceded in death by [list]. Services will be held [date, time, location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [charity].

Convention is a guideline, not a rule — some of the most moving obituaries are written in first person, as a letter. Our team drafts obituaries for families at no charge from a short phone conversation, and revises until it feels right.

Where do DFW families publish an obituary, and what does it cost?

Online obituaries are free and permanent on the Vargas-London obituaries page and on Legacy.com. A printed obituary in the Dallas Morning News runs roughly $300–$1,000 depending on length, photo, and run-days. Many families also post a shorter version to Facebook or LinkedIn, which often reaches colleagues and old friends faster than print. Online versions can be edited later; print is permanent — proofread names and dates twice.